time for baby

I felt a rush of panic this weekend.  My face flushed hot and I started sweating.  I felt her kick and twist around and I felt a stab of pain and discomfort.  I am more than half way to holding a baby in my arms and this baby-train isn’t slowing down.  This past weekend I signed up for baby classes at the hospital where I plan to deliver, I’ve started a baby registry (two actually), and made two lists of guests for baby showers.  I had my carpets cleaned over the weekend – the carpet needs to be clean for the baby, right??  I went to IKEA and looked at cribs.  I measured my windows for new curtains.  I thought about whether I wanted to use a diaper service verses throwing disposables into a landfill.  What about baby monitors and breast pumps?  Which ones do I buy?  Why are there so many to choose from?  How on earth is a car seat + stroller combo $400?!!

Luckily, the wave of panic passed quickly and I settled down.  I started to focus on the big picture instead of the minor details.  As the weeks roll by, I start to feel less and less prepared.  I have a tiny laundry basket with a few outfits that I received as Christmas gifts and a small pile of children’s books.  That’s it.  I don’t even have a room cleared out yet.  I’m still 3 weeks away from my third trimester and I feel like she’s arriving any minute.  I have to remember that I still have plenty of time for all of this.  Right?  Plenty of time?

Time – it’s a funny word.  In reality, is it meaningless?  I have all the time and I have no time.  I have the rest of my life to “prepare” for her and yet I’ll never really be prepared at all.  I read a quote over the weekend and it basically said that there really is no good time but the present.  So no matter how stressed out I feel about a baby coming into my life, I need to remember that the next phases are really just temporary like everything else.  Soon she won’t be a baby anymore, she’ll be a toddler, and then a preschooler, and on and on until she moves out and starts a life of her own.  It’s easy to get worked up and excited about the massive undertaking of raising a child.  But I guess we just need to take our time.  Time is really all we have.  I have to remember that.

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