I felt a rush of panic this weekend. My face flushed hot and I started sweating. I felt her kick and twist around and I felt a stab of pain and discomfort. I am more than half way to holding a baby in my arms and this baby-train isn’t slowing down. This past weekend I signed up for baby classes at the hospital where I plan to deliver, I’ve started a baby registry (two actually), and made two lists of guests for baby showers. I had my carpets cleaned over the weekend – the carpet needs to be clean for the baby, right?? I went to IKEA and looked at cribs. I measured my windows for new curtains. I thought about whether I wanted to use a diaper service verses throwing disposables into a landfill. What about baby monitors and breast pumps? Which ones do I buy? Why are there so many to choose from? How on earth is a car seat + stroller combo $400?!!
Luckily, the wave of panic passed quickly and I settled down. I started to focus on the big picture instead of the minor details. As the weeks roll by, I start to feel less and less prepared. I have a tiny laundry basket with a few outfits that I received as Christmas gifts and a small pile of children’s books. That’s it. I don’t even have a room cleared out yet. I’m still 3 weeks away from my third trimester and I feel like she’s arriving any minute. I have to remember that I still have plenty of time for all of this. Right? Plenty of time?
Time – it’s a funny word. In reality, is it meaningless? I have all the time and I have no time. I have the rest of my life to “prepare” for her and yet I’ll never really be prepared at all. I read a quote over the weekend and it basically said that there really is no good time but the present. So no matter how stressed out I feel about a baby coming into my life, I need to remember that the next phases are really just temporary like everything else. Soon she won’t be a baby anymore, she’ll be a toddler, and then a preschooler, and on and on until she moves out and starts a life of her own. It’s easy to get worked up and excited about the massive undertaking of raising a child. But I guess we just need to take our time. Time is really all we have. I have to remember that.